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| Wednesday, February 15th, 2006 | | 2:01 pm |
I’ve reached new levels of procrastination. I wanted to write about Valentine’s Day; invoking Frederick Douglass’ July 5th, 1852 speech in Rochester, New York: The Meaning of Valentine’s Day to the Single Person. Your commidification of romance and relationships only reveals the immeasurable distance between us. You may rejoice, I must mourn. What, to the Single Person, is your Valentine’s Day? I answer; a day that reveals to him, more than all other days in the year, the gross injustice and cruelty to which he is the constant victim. To him, your celebration is a sham; your boasted love, an unholy license; your communal joy, swelling vanity; and so on… Then I realized I was being ridiculous drawing an analogy between being single on Valentine’s Day and the horrors of American chattel racial slavery. I had a great day yesterday, and yet I considered comparing my solitude to the great sin and shame of America. I suppose we are all prone to hyperbole every now and again. But without a reason to whine and complain and be miserable, how can I procrastinate by writing a livejournal entry? Desperate times call for measures of equal despondency. So I present a new Top 5 list: Top 5 songs about places I don’t want to go… Sex Pistols – Holidays In the Sun REM – Don’t Go Back to Rockville Ozma – Los Angeles The Jam – A Town Called Malice Baxendale – Switzerland Most of these songs are pretty self explanatory, the Berlin Wall is clearly not a desirable holiday destination; Switzerland is expensive, xenophobic, and there’s little to do there; and while I’ve never been to Malice, UK, Paul Weller certainly doesn’t seem that keen on it. Los Angeles inspired this list, as for a long time, I thought of it as my least favorite place in the world. That is, until I spent an hour sitting in traffic with my brother on Rockville Pike, listening to easy rock on the FM dial. Trapped in a car, stuck traffic on a six-lane “highway,” sandwiched between strip malls, listening to “The Hustle” (yes, the entire song). Shame on anyone who would consider abandoning Athens, GA for Rockville, MD. | | Sunday, February 12th, 2006 | | 11:30 pm |
Did anyone watch Grey’s Anatomy tonight? I found these last two episodes highly unsatisfying. We all know none of the main characters are going to be killed off. Is the appearance of Christina Ricci supposed to placate us for two episodes of nonsense? Anyway, the point of this whole post was going to be about Izzie and Alex sleeping together and how I’ve given up sex because I realized I didn’t actually like anyone I was having sex with, but I don’t really feel about writing about that now, so I’ll just end with my favorite quote from tonight: “I gave you sex in the linen closet, so you do it.” | | Friday, February 10th, 2006 | | 12:59 am |
I’ve been flirting with this girl from volleyball a lot. Flirting would not usually be a noteworthy activity; even my mom knows that the point of intramural sports is hang out with a load of girls in short shorts (she actually wears board shorts, but I think that only makes me like her more). I decided to look her up on facebook (I’m not a stalker, I’m just neurotic). Some interesting facts: she’s single, she’s a virgo, and she’s 49 months younger than me! That’s over 4 years; 1,450 days or 35,000 hours. No matter how you divide it, it’s an almost illegal disparity. I never thought of myself as the cradle robbing type. Hmm…. | | Monday, January 23rd, 2006 | | 12:50 am |
I’ve been feeling very anxious of late. I should be worried about my two papers due on the 2nd and 3rd of February, but I’m not. I scanned a load of old photos into my computer today and I realized that I was really, really cute when I was six. I was also pretty good looking when I was 13 or so. But I’ve been getting goofier and uglier ever since then. If it really is going to be all down hill since when I hit puberty, then I really need to latch onto the best looking girl I can find now. Of course, I only have three months left in Canada, so I don’t need to fall in love with a girl in Toronto, but I need to at least convince myself I’m actually capable liking a girl for more than a few weeks at a time. I’m supposed to meet up with Elise on Tuesday to complain about our grades in botany class (I beat her!). Maybe if I act appropriately befuddled, she will confuse my goofiness for a Hugh Grant-like charm and want to have my babies. | | Wednesday, January 11th, 2006 | | 4:52 pm |
I’ve been thinking of writing in this forum more frequently, and now that Will is at it again, I think I will too. I was worried that my posts invariably become drawn out laments about girls I’ve slept with and girls I’d like to sleep with, and I’d like to avoid that. I think I can, as I’ve recently embraced being single by seeing how miserable my roommate Blake is much of the time. I’ve also made it 80 days without sex, so I don’t see why I can’t keep going until the end of the school year. Winter break was good. My brother and I managed to get along most of the time. We played beer pong with my dad and the neighbors one night; that was a first. I slept in the next morning while my dad went to work. My mom brought me a reversible t-shirt that says “I love my girlfriend,” on one side and “I hate my girlfriend,” on the other. I think it’s an excellent barometer to let your girlfriend know how you feel about her in various situations. If past experiences are correct, I’d probably wear it hate side out most of the time. You could tell as we were buying it that mom wanted to ask about my current situation, but we’re British and we don’t discuss those things much. My college sent me the form for graduation photos. Opening the letter made me feel old. I’m not ready to graduate. I feel a lot like Ben in “The Graduate,” except I’m not sleeping with the wife of my Dad’s business partner, but I doubt I’d want to, even if she offered. Some of my friends, you know they’ll be okay in life. They know what they want to do. They know they want to get married and have a house, a mortgage, a membership at the local golf club, and 2.5 children. I don’t know that I want any of those things and so I don’t feel motivated to work for any of them. My only motivation is to work as little as possible. And I’m already really good at that. Jordan, Phillipa and I had lunch before Jordan returned to Ottawa this afternoon. We had muhamarra and pita bread. The sweetness of red pepper was accentuated by molasses and the walnuts added for texture. It was a very nice way for Jordan's visit to end. | | Thursday, December 1st, 2005 | | 11:43 pm |
I’ve been giving a lot of thought to what I want to be. More specifically, what form of employment I will choose to support myself with once my parents cut me off. To be honest, I don’t aspire to any form of employment. Blake often implies that I won’t be happy if I’m not wealthy, with a nice car and a golf club membership. I disagree. I’ve played golf for over ten years now and I know it’s horribly cliché to say it, but I don’t like golf. I definitely don’t enjoy the game enough to pay my own money to play it. To many, golf is a game of aspiration. People want to play it because they associated it with wealth. I associate with work. Blake is also right that I drive a nice car. But to be honest, the only two cars in the world I aspire to own are a 4-cylinder Honda Accord and an MGB. No one believes me when I tell this, but I like the idea of anonymous, efficient transport. I’ve driven all kinds of imported and expensive automobiles, but I’ve never had more fun than when I drove Chelsea’s 10 year-old Mazda Miata. I don't really like expensive things. My only expensive hobby is drinking, and from what I can tell, most people who have drinking with a hobby are broke, so drinking shouldn't be a problem even if I don't have a well paying job. I really don’t care what I do in life. Ideally, whatever vocation I end up in (and probably not choosing), I’ll get to go to the gym for an hour a day and I’ll spend my weekends taking long runs along woody trails. Is that too much to ask out of life? | | Wednesday, September 28th, 2005 | | 2:17 pm |
"I spent the next six to eight weeks, till art school reopened, investigating the most interesting of all summer-active animals, the American Girl in Shorts" - JD Salinger ...i miss summer. | | Wednesday, September 21st, 2005 | | 10:57 pm |
So I’ve been listening to one song over and over again this evening. Magazine’s and Internet Homepages often have surveys that say, “How do you know your child / significant other / family relation is depressed?” and then list a number of questions. But there’s really only one question you need to ask of someone to know if their miserable: do they listen to the same song over and over again? In my case, it’s “Found Out About You,” by the Gin Blossoms. It’s amazing how the lyrics seem to be a biography of my past summer. It worries me that I was once so Take It Easy (Love Nothing) about relationships (or lack of relationships) with my sexual partners. But after failing to date a seemingly dateable girl (and being the last to realize), I’m starting to wonder if it will never work out; that promiscuous sex is not just a faze of my adolescence, but a fact of my personal life. It’s not that I’m looking to get married in the next few years, but I’d like some proof that I might one day be able to care about someone else as much as I care about myself. Until then, I guess I’ll always have listening to the same song over and over again and feeling sorry about my predicament. | | Sunday, September 11th, 2005 | | 6:24 pm |
as caitlyn correctly pointed out, that last post was very emo. i probably shouldn't post at three in the morning when i've been drinking for ten hours straight. and i shouldn't have been so emotional as i stopped seeing the girl over a month ago. but to find out that within a week she got together with someone else (and a chunky thirty year old waiter at that!), well that stings a little. sometimes i just want to shout, "damnit, i am more than a penis!" but that wouldn't be very proper of me. | | Saturday, September 10th, 2005 | | 3:21 am |
so i'm back in toronto now. i wish i had something great to say, but i don't. all i've got is some advice: never ever, ever fall in love. ever. | | Monday, August 8th, 2005 | | 10:04 pm |
So now that I’ve posted again on lj, I think I may have opened a Pandora’s box. So a question to anyone who still reads this thing: do you ever wonder if your parents really love each other? I mean, my parents are still together and I don’t suspect anything. But sometimes if I wonder if my dad has thought about cheating and then realized that the emotional cost of a divorce and having to give up half is assets is much worse than the pleasure that sleeping with someone else could bring. It’s having thoughts like this that make me realize I can never get married. | | 8:45 pm |
So I haven’t posted in my lj for quite a while. I’m not really sure why; I guess I was getting bored with how my lj was solely used for me to complain about how unfulfilling my casual sex relationships were. I didn’t write about anything else. So everything else… I seem have dropped / failed anatomy for the second time and I’ve returned to the city of Washington DC for the month of August. My parents are away right now. I’ve drank all of Guinness and Boddingtons in the house, so all I have to drink is Corona and I don’t want to drive to the liquor store tonight as there’s a thunderstorm outside... Maybe I’ve stopped posting because my life seems fairly boring when I put it down in text. Today, I went running. That’s actually the only thing I did all day besides showering and watching best week ever and the surreal life. It sounds like a boring day, but it was fantastic. I suppose I could write about how I almost got beat up by a dozen drunk Irish guys on my last night in Toronto after Will abandoned Mark and I at the Madison, but it’s really a story that better lends itself to being told in person. So I guess I will just write in my journal less frequently until my life becomes more interesting. | | Thursday, July 7th, 2005 | | 10:42 am |
it's probably not going to be a good day when you wake up to the following email from your mother: Hi, We've just spoken with [your brother] and he's ok. We hope that [your counsin] is ok too. We couldn't get through on his cell phone. The number of casualties and deaths sounds remarkably low at the moment. Hopefully they'll stay that way. Mum i really don't want to be in class today. | | Thursday, June 23rd, 2005 | | 2:09 am |
| | Wednesday, June 22nd, 2005 | | 1:30 am |
ansley and i seem to have gone on our first real date - we went for ice cream tonight. i had two scoops (caribou tracks [known as moosetracks in the states] and parlines 'n cream) in a waffle cone. it was a conservative choice, but a good one. ansley had watermelon sorbet (which was a much better pick in the summer). we came back to my place and watched part of hitch with sam and blake (just why they were watching hitch is something i can't explain). evidently ansley didn't think much of the movie as she cornered me at the door to my room, where she was more interested in following the pistons-spurs game over the internet than going back to finish the movie. the problem is now "having ice cream" has become a euphemism for intercourse and saying, "thank you for the ice cream" is now an unfortunate double entendre. | | Saturday, June 18th, 2005 | | 12:50 pm |
went thifting with girl (girlfriend according to sam and blake but i'm not ready to go there yet) the other day. it was very successful. i purchased polo shirts and a hardback copy of robinson cursoe for $1. she got skirts...i've been getting black out drunk every night because i actually think sam and blake could be right about this all and i don't really know how to deal with it. she and i have common friends, we hang out in the same places, and we actually like each other. if the relationship gets fucked up (not much of an if really), i couldn't easily move on. in the divorce settlement, she'd get diablo's and the house party crew and i'd get to keep jenny (but only for the gym and the library). either way, it seems like some very heavy shit and i'm not sure i'm programed to deal with it. bottoms up. Current Music: paint a vulgar picture - smiths | | Tuesday, June 14th, 2005 | | 10:31 pm |
so it's clear that i wanted my current relationship to be about more than sex, but i really can't figure out how to do that. i've never done that. i have friends who are girls and then i have girls i fool around with. i don't really know how to synthesize the two except with jenny, who i fooled around with and then became friends with but we no longer fool around; so it wasn't synthesis as much as substitution. i had dinner with blake and danielle (blanielle to those who know them well) and it was fucking depressing. the only answer i've found has been to get black out drunk for the past two nights (and it's starting to look like that will be the case tonight as well, so i might as well say for the past three nights). this doesn't seem like a very healthy solution but i have no other and after lifting weights today at hart house my arms look fucking cut. i wish i could be like sam and get off on how good my body looks but i really need validation from a girl i care about to feel validated and right now i don't really care about any girls...fuck, my lj is becoming depressing like will's which means everyone is going to drop me from their friends list. fuck. i make morrisey seem optimistic. i should shut up. | | Monday, June 13th, 2005 | | 1:02 pm |
it all started a few months ago at the gym. jenny introduced me to her two friends on the exercise bikes. one was very cute. she blushed when i said hello. jenny told them how i yell at her to "pedel like she means it" it when we work out together. her cute friend blushed more. later, at the library, jenny mentioned that her friend is cute. i replied that her friend was indeed, very good looking. jenny told me she was newly single. i couldn't tell if it was a challenge, but i took it as one at the time. fast foward to about a month ago. we were hanging out in the JCR (where all the hip indie kids [white kids in thift store clothes - much like myself] hang out). jenny was going through her friends cds and picking discs to put on her itunes. i was intimidated by how cool this girls taste in music was. she had sha sha by ben kweller. i was in love. fast foward to two weeks ago. jenny, her friend and i were hanging out on jenny's bed while drinking (screwdrivers if memory serves correctly [which it probably doesn't as we were drinking]). her friend said she was an english major. we talked about henry james and american identity. i went on a tom wolfe symbolism is so overt it's actually just very poor discription that attempts to synthesize an overall theme among the people and items being described in a manner that is so tedious to read you want to pull out your eyeballs. she's from kingston. she lives in a house with no running water or electricity. how archaic. i told her the story of when the tree fell on my house last year and the only way i could reach my parents was by sending my dad blackberry emails. i was more in love. she come home with me. we had intercourse. it was good, but....i wanted more. i liked this girl for who she was. i thought things would be different with her. it was just sex. and that's all our relationship is now. every other day, she comes over at night. we have sex, fall asleep, wake up in the morning and repeat it starting 36 hours later. this morning we had breakfast: bagels with peanut butter and coffee (she also had yogurt - maybe for the protein - she's a veg - blake's very dissapointed). i was dissapointed too. we listened to "i should be allowed to think" by they might be giants; you know, the one full of allen ginsberg allusions. i wanted to discuss howl, about those, "who cut their wrists three times successively unsuccessfully, gave up and were forced to open antique stores where they thought they were growing old and cried" but she'd never read the poem (she's an english major for god sakes). so now what? this was the girl with whom everything would be different, better, deeper...but it's not. i may as well become a gay prostitute. it all feels the same anyway. | | Wednesday, June 1st, 2005 | | 4:21 pm |
i went to see the killers last night. we played asshole and drank before the show. we drank on the subway and street car to the show. there was a mom on the street car with four 16 year old-ish girls and i talked to her for a long time about how she was a cool mom; the kind that goes to concerts and shields her young daughters from drunken sexual predators. the show was pretty good. i saw corey robarts from ottawa. i also saw conn jon. very unexpected. we were all very drunk and made plans to hang out today. we didn't hang out today, but they did go to the zoo. $19.95 to go to a zoo? that's highway robbery. you'd think a country with free health care and prescription drugs could have a free zoo as well. | | Thursday, May 26th, 2005 | | 1:32 pm |
i have to go to court next week and testify about the stabbing last summer. i'm really not sure what to say. "that slut nikki wore skirts that were so short, she was just asking to be stalked and stabbed by a crazy burmese refuge"? i don't think that will go down too hot. but honestly, anyone who discusses getting their private areas waxed in public places deserves some form of comeupaence; but a knife to the stomach, shoulder, and leg may be a bit too much comeupance. the court visit will also be complicated by serena's presence. for some reason it's hard for us to be together in the same room and not have sex with each other. that could be akward in a court room. |
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